welcome to my site.

i am no one but myself.

december 2019-march 2020 (my first "era")

i first started purging when i was 13. december 2019 was a time of relapse and drama. i also started self harming with kitchen knives, and tried to vent in physical diaries. when i purged at the time, i'd purge dinner or snacks 10 minutes after eating them. it went fine until my mom heard me gag very loudly and had an argument with me. other thing not related to eds happened but i'll discuss them on my diary instead of here.

april-july 2020 (the influential era)

sometime in april my best friend (at the time) alex started being more open to me about self harming and eating disorders, and i helped me a lot. he introduced me to #edtwt (eating disorder twitter) and #shtwt (self harm twitter). these new parts of twitter helped me a lot to not do the mistakes that let to the discovery of my ed. it also showed some really cool diet plans that i'm planning to do once i move out. (example)


august-september 2020 (the "at least i tried" era)

i tried purging and losing weight with the new tips i had learned. i initially did very well. i was 170 pounds at the height of the summmer and i was 150 pounds a few weeks later. it all went crashing down when my need to purge became a little bit too big. one time i ate a piece of cake (while my dad was showering and that mf takes ages) and i desperately needed to purge it so i grabbed a grocery bag and trie vomiting it. considering my house is small as fuck, my mom heard it and i got in trouble again. not being able to purge is awful. i gained 6 more pounds as a result :( . i'm currently trying not to purge but i'm definitely doing it again by mid-november, as my goal is to be 110 pounds asap.

october 2020 - december 2020 (caught again)

long story short i began purging again and my mom heard me. ill start again in january or march